I'm drive I can fine osifer
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
