Ketchup is God's man juice
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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