my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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