my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
