Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I did not marry a roomba.
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