Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
