Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
