your room smells of hookers.
And success
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
