Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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