then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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