Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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