we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
