I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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