Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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