It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
