He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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