you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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