peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize