i permit you to call me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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