just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
