I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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