Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
