I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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