Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
