Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
