she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
