i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
