Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
3 2 1 whiskey
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
