we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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