remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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