Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
