The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
