wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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