I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
