Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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