Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
