it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
