sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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