I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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