I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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