Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
