my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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