So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
