When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize