were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
