I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize