he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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