Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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