I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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