well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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