She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
