how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
