She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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