I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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