Kiss
Puke
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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