So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
