Who wears a wallet chain?!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
