you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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