omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize