You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
