does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
