I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
