they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
