So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
