I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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